and GERRY DAVIS
broadcast - 2nd April 1966
running time - 24mins 40secs
(STEVEN and the DOCTOR are inside the TARDIS control room.)
STEVEN: We're landing now Doctor.
DOCTOR: Good. That means the gravitational bearing must have rectified itself.
(DODO enters from one of the other rooms.)
DODO: Hey, look at this!
(DODO models her groovy new outfit, a sleeveless mini dress. The upper portion is light-colored with a dark, misshaped circle in the center. The bottom portion is dark-colored with light, misshaped circles all around. On her head she wears a cap with a visor. She looks like she just came from Carnaby Street. Meanwhile, the DOCTOR switches off the TARDIS.)
Isn't it fab?
(STEVEN walks over to her and examines her clothes with approval.)
STEVEN: Yes... hmm, very nice.
(The DOCTOR sneezes and as he does so he slowly fades away. STEVEN and DODO don't notice right away because they are facing each other.)
DODO: Oh Doctor, don't say you're catching a cold now.
(Now STEVEN and DODO turn toward the DOCTOR and discover that he's disappeared.)
STEVEN: Doctor? Well, where are you?
(The DOCTOR briefly fades in and out of sight but then completely disappears.)
DOCTOR: What do you mean, dear boy? I'm still here, hmm?
(STEVEN and DODO walk toward the spot where they last saw the DOCTOR standing.)
DODO: Doctor, you've vanished!
DOCTOR: What? Oh nonsense child! Nonsense! Hmm!
DODO: (looking at STEVEN) You have! Do you think this is something to do with the Refusians?
STEVEN: Why... it must be!
DOCTOR: You're wrong!
(The DOCTOR begins walking around the control room. DODO and STEVEN turn and follow his voice.)
This is something far more serious. We're in grave danger. This is some form of attack!
(DODO and STEVEN look anxiously at each other.)
STEVEN: But we're still in the TARDIS!
(The DOCTOR continues walking around the room, his voice floating around the TARDIS. DODO and STEVEN continue to follow it.)
DOCTOR: That may be, my boy, but wherever it is, it has great power and can penetrate our safety barrier.
(The TARDIS' scanner is not on, thus the DOCTOR and his companions cannot see outside. They have materialized inside a room.)
(The TARDIS is standing in the middle of an octagonal room, similar to the TARDIS itself. From each angle, lines stretch to the centre of the room. The police box is situated at the exact point where the lines intersect. The room they are in is white and radiates a soft, incandescent glow. There is a plain, wooden bench facing one of the walls, and against the wall immediately behind the TARDIS is a plain, wooden cupboard. No one is in the room.)
(Unknown to STEVEN and DODO, the DOCTOR has again changed his position. They think that they are still standing beside him.)
Don't just stand there, dear boy, turn on the scanner!
(STEVEN and DODO jump and turn around. The DOCTOR is now behind them.)
DODO: But Doctor!
DOCTOR: Don't ask questions, child. There isn't time. Turn on the scanner!
(STEVEN runs to the TARDIS' console, flips on the scanner, and looks up at it. The screen is blank.)
STEVEN: It isn't working.
DOCTOR: Yes, it is. When it isn't working, the screen is not as clear as that. This is part of the same trick!
DODO: (to the DOCTOR, worriedly) But what are we to do? Let's take off at once!
DOCTOR: (moving across the room) That might be worse, my dear. Besides, I'm not only invisible, I'm intangible, which means that I can't pull the switches.
(STEVEN moves around the TARDIS searching in vain for the DOCTOR's new location.)
STEVEN: Well, I'll do it if you tell me what to do.
DOCTOR: No! Whatever it is, we shall have to face up to it. Open the doors.
STEVEN: (shaking his head) But Doctor!
DOCTOR: (emphatically) Open the doors!
(STEVEN returns to the TARDIS' console and opens the doors. The DOCTOR leaves.)
DODO: We should go!
DODO: Hey, if the Doctor's intangible, why did he need to open the doors? He could have just walked through them.
(STEVEN stands by the doors and looks out.)
STEVEN: (he says over his shoulder) Habit, I suppose. (facing DODO) C'mon, we should follow.
DODO: (shaking her head) You won't get me out there.
(STEVEN steps just outside of the TARDIS.)
(THE TOYMAKER is in his ornate 18th century-styled study examining his spectacular kingdom. The roof of his study consists of outer space with stars and galaxies twinkling. The walls stretch up toward the blackness until they are indistinguishable from space and merge with it. The walls are filled with dozens of toys of all types, i.e., mechanical toys, electronic toys, dolls, bears, puppets, masks, etc. All around the room are antique tables. Each of them have a doll's house or a marionette theatre. Some tables have different kinds of games such as pinball machines and chess. Others have centuries-old board games.
THE TOYMAKER is lounging in a black Chinese chair behind a lacquered Chinese desk inlaid with mother-of-pearl and scenes of Chinese life. Further around the room there is a collection of mechanical clocks. Some have figurines that come out and strike the hour with huge gongs. Others have figures of Father Time with his scythe that come out on the hour. Even cuckoo clocks and grandfather clocks are here.
THE TOYMAKER's antique desk has a series of futuristic switches and buttons glowing softly with a carefully coded system of multi-coloured lights. In front of the desk stands a triangular table with the letters A, B, and C inlaid in each corner. On two sides of the table there are two chairs.
THE TOYMAKER rises. He is a tall, imposing figure, dressed as a Chinese Mandarin with a circular black hat embossed with heavy gold thread, a large silver red and blue collar, and a heavy, stiffly- embroidered black robe encrusted with rubies, emeralds, diamonds, and pearls set against a background of coiled Chinese dragons. He looks around the room and then walks over to the first doll's house, a large Victorian one with Victorian furnishings. He considers the Victorian dressed dolls there but passes them by. Next, he goes to the first of the toy theatres. There is a circus inside featuring two clowns.)
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: (to the clown dolls) You'll serve my purpose admirably. You're very good at games. Clowns always are. You can show Steven and Dodo some of your tricks into the bargain.
(He removes the clowns. One is a girl doll dressed in a harlequin, one-piece costume. She is smiling. The other doll is a male with a very sad face. He wears a white baggy suit with ruffles and a cone-shaped clown hat. THE TOYMAKER puts them on the floor and raises his left hand. The large sapphire ring on his left hand begins to flash as he points his hand toward the clowns. The dolls start to grow until they are life-size. Each gives THE TOYMAKER a comic bow.)
(DODO remains behind in the TARDIS while STEVEN steps just outside to look around.)
DODO: (to STEVEN) If you want to go, then you go, but I'm sure that the Doctor... (happily) Doctor!
(The DOCTOR has reappeared.)
DOCTOR: Hmm? What is it?
(DODO steps outside of the TARDIS.)
DODO: (happily) There you are!
STEVEN: (with relief) We can see you! Everything's alright!
(The DOCTOR looks down at his hands.)
DOCTOR: (happily) Oh, you can see me?!
STEVEN & DODO: Yes!
DOCTOR: Well, splendid! Hee! Hee! Splendid!
DODO: Oh, let's go now. It must have just been the Refusian influence after all.
STEVEN: (carefully examining his surroundings) What's this extraordinary place?
DOCTOR: (shaking his head) Well, I'm not quite sure, dear boy, but it's, ah, it's somewhat familiar...hmm?
DODO: It looks dead boring to me. C'mon!
(DODO turns toward the TARDIS.)
DOCTOR: No, wait, child, wait!
DOCTOR: Well, I don't think it was the Refusian's influence that made me become intangible - no! It think it was something here. And I don't like the feel of the place anymore than you do. But, uh, we have to face up to it. You know, I think I was meant to come here.
(STEVEN's eyes are now fixed on one of the walls. He sees himself in a past experience.)
STEVEN: (with great surprise) Hey! Look! That's me!
DODO: What is?
STEVEN: Here - on the screen!
DODO: What screen?
(Only STEVEN is able to see the screen.)
STEVEN: (excitedly) Here! That's me on the planet Kemble.
DODO: There's nothing there!
DOCTOR: But I believe I now know where we are.
STEVEN: It's changed again! There I am in Paris!
DOCTOR: (emphatically) Now turn around this instant! Turn away from it, dear boy! We're now in the world of The Ce... Ce... Ce... Celestial Toymaker! And that screen is hypnotic. It's trying to dominate your mind.
STEVEN: (confused) But Doctor...
DOCTOR: There is nothing there. You understand me? There is nothing there at all. You must believe me.
STEVEN: What was it? What happened?
DODO: What's the matter, Doctor? I couldn't see anything on the screen.
DOCTOR: Come here, child. Now whatever you do, you must not allow yourself to be trapped into looking at it.
DODO: Who's the Celestial Toymaker?
DOCTOR: He's a powerful evil. He manipulates people and makes them into his playthings. Whatever you do, neither of you must look at that screen. It's a trap.
(With evil laughter, the CELESTIAL TOYMAKER materialises before them.)
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: What a spoil-sport you are, Doctor. They like my memory window.
DOCTOR: You! I might have guessed!
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Of course! I've been waiting for you a long time.
(The CELESTIAL TOYMAKER smiles a wry smile.)
DODO: Where's the TARDIS?
(The TARDIS has disappeared. The CELESTIAL TOYMAKER is standing in its place.)
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: (innocently) Don't worry, my dear. Just watch... over there.
(He points over to the wall. DODO sees her younger self dressed in her British school uniform. She is home in her living room. A man approaches her, shaking his head. DODO is overcome with emotion.)
DODO: It's me the day my mother died!
DOCTOR: Turn away from it this instant!
STEVEN: (similtaneously whispering to DODO) _____.
(STEVEN, seeing that DODO is unable to tear herself away from the screen, turns her around. The images on the wall disappear. DODO buries her face in STEVEN's shoulder.)
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: What a shame! I thought my little invention would amuse you.
DOCTOR: You and your inventions, huh! Now, both of you, be very careful. This place is a hidden menace. Nothing is just for fun.
STEVEN: (to the DOCTOR) What's the idea?
DOCTOR: He's trying to get us into his power - that's why we've got to fight him.
(DODO looks up and pushes away from STEVEN.)
DODO: (with fear) But can't we just go? I hate this place.
DOCTOR: My dear, but how? Hmm? That is the question. Hmm?
DODO: In the TARDIS, of course, as always.
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: There are many of them. Take your choice.
(The CELESTIAL TOYMAKER slowly stretches out his arm. The DOCTOR, STEVEN, and DODO watch as the ring on his finger begins to pulsate and circles of light begin moving toward the wall. The wall changes colour and vibrates. Slowly the light resolves into a picture of an endless conveyor of police boxes.)
STEVEN: (shaking his head) But... there are hundreds of them!
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Yes, hundreds. Come, Doctor.
(STEVEN and DODO tear their eyes away from the wall and look back. The DOCTOR and the CELESTIAL TOYMAKER disappear. Now STEVEN and DODO are alone in THE TOYMAKER's room. Having lost both the TARDIS and the DOCTOR, they are filled with dread.)
DODO: Have you gone invisible again?
(There is silence.)
STEVEN: (shaking his head) No, he's gone. That man's taken him away!
DODO: I don't like it! We should never have stayed.
STEVEN: Yes, it's too late now.
DODO: Who was that man?
STEVEN: (shaking his head) I don't know. But we've got to find the Doctor.
(STEVEN looks around the room to see if any of the walls are illuminated again with images, but none of them are. He then points to the cupboard, and he and DODO move toward it. Just as STEVEN is about to open it, the door flings open and a clown's head appears around the corner - the male clown. Further down appears the female clown. They step out of the cupboard and look around, miming wonderment and anxiety.)
What on Earth?????
(The clowns immediately stop and put their fingers to their mouths.)
DODO: Shhh! Shhh! Steven!
STEVEN: But why have I got to be quiet? Huh? Huh?
(The male clown extends his hand toward STEVEN. DODO, irritated at STEVEN's tough-guy attitude, moves away from him. The female clown puts her finger to her lips and brings a hand from behind her back revealing a large balloon and a hat pin. All this is unseen by STEVEN who is looking suspiciously at the male clown's outstretched hand. Finally STEVEN accepts the hand of the clown. As he shakes it, the clown backs away leaving his hand in STEVEN's. It comes away and reveals a stretched three or four foot long false arm. STEVEN throws it down it disgust. At the same time, the female clown pops the balloon behind him. The male clown gives STEVEN a slight push, and he jumps back nervously, falling over the female clown. STEVEN's facial expression proves to be too much for DODO. DODO laughs hysterically. The two clowns mime convulsive laughter.)
(with disgust) Very funny! Don't see what you've got to laugh about.
DODO: If you could only see your face with that hand!
(The male clown taps DODO on the shoulder holding a large bunch of flowers. He raises them to his nose and mimes smelling the fresh scent of flowers. He makes an elaborate bow and slowly presents the bouquet to her. DODO's eyes widen.)
(The male clown nods his head "yes" and honks his horn once. DODO then looks over at his companion who also nods "yes" and gives her a curtsey.)
Oh thanks! No one's ever given me flowers before.
(DODO stretches out her hand to accept the flowers. As she grasps the stalks, a strong jet of water springs out into her face and hair, saturating her. DODO steps back and drops the flowers. STEVEN roars with laughter.)
STEVEN: If you could just see your face!
(DODO retrieves a handkerchief from her pocket and wipes her face. The two clowns, meanwhile, mimic silent laughter.)
DODO: I'm not sure that I like these clowns!
STEVEN: (still laughing) Look, can either of you talk?
(The male clown honks his horn again.)
(to the female clown) Well, how 'bout you?
FEMALE CLOWN: (in a squeaky voice) Yes, I can talk. How are you?
STEVEN: (still laughing) I'm fine. But what do you want with us?
(The CELESTIAL TOYMAKER is suddenly directly behind STEVEN and DODO. They are taken aback by his voice.)
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: They're here to entertain you. Play a game with you.
STEVEN: (dryly) Well, thank you very much. We've been entertained. We don't want to play your games. Now where have you taken the Doctor?
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: (innocently) Taken the Doctor? Nowhere, my dear chap. The Doctor and I are going to play a little game together.
(The CELESTIAL TOYMAKER turns to one of the walls and suddenly a robot appears. Once again he raises his hand, and the robot moves toward them. It has arms and legs, is black in colour, featureless, and has flashing lights for eyes. In place of a chest unit is a large monitor screen.)
You can watch the results on that board. But you must win all your games before he does.
STEVEN: Look, we're not interested in your games. We want to go back to the TARDIS.
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: That's impossible.
STEVEN: (stunned) Impossible??
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Well... not quite impossible, but you'll have to win a few games first. After each game, if you win, you will find a TARDIS, which may or may not be the real one.
STEVEN: What do you mean "the real one"?
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: As you - as you have seen, I have many copies.
DODO: So we have to win a game before we can get to the TARDIS?
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Right! Several games, in fact.
STEVEN: And if we lose?
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: (smiling with arms folded) Then you both stay here... as my guests.
(DODO and STEVEN step aside to talk.)
DODO: We better play his silly game, Steven.
STEVEN: (angrily) I don't see why we should humour him. He's obviously around the bend!
DODO: That's just it! If we don't do as he says, we may never get out of here.
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Well?
(DODO and STEVEN walk back toward THE TOYMAKER.)
STEVEN: Alright! We'll play your little games. But if we win, we get the TARDIS back, okay?
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Agreed.
STEVEN: And if we lose?
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: You'll never see the TARDIS again!
(The CELESTIAL TOYMAKER slowly vanishes.)
DODO: (grasping STEVEN's arm) You never asked him about the Doctor.
STEVEN: Oh, he's probably got his game to play. I'm glad we're not playing that one.
(Meanwhile, the two clowns were busy setting up a series of obstacles around the room. It is only now that STEVEN and DODO notice. The room resembles a cross between a gymnasium and an army training obstacle course. There are two ropes slung over a number of sharp pointed iron spikes. A series of stepping stones are placed on something that looks like a carpet. A long, thin plank is mounted over two sets of step ladders. A long, caterpillar-like tub snakes across the room and ends at a square marked "Home". The floor itself seems to have taken on the aspect of a large playing board.)
DODO: What are we playing?
FEMALE CLOWN: Blind Man's Bluff!
(The DOCTOR examines the collection of hi-tech toys that are suspended from the end of the room. All are deadly weapons of destruction. There is a model of an advanced missile complete with a deadly warhead. It is made to scale with exact measurements. Next to it is a long gleaming black hull of a nuclear submarine. Above it is a supersonic bomber with a thin, elegant, dart shape. Both men are standing.)
DOCTOR: You will kindly cease this practical joking, and let us go at once, hmm?
(The CELESTIAL TOYMAKER walks over to his desk, sits down, leans back, and places his fingertips together.)
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: (wryly) Patience, Doctor, patience. You've only just got here. Relax. It's so nice to see you again.
(The DOCTOR walks over to the desk.)
DOCTOR: (humorously) And now you have, so let us go.
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: You're so innocent, Doctor. The last time you were here, I hoped you'd stay long enough for a game, but you had hardly time to turn around.
DOCTOR: And very wise I was, too, hmmm? You and your games are quite notorious. You draw people here like a spider does to flies.
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: How absurd! It amuses me to give amusements.
DOCTOR: And should they lose the game they play, you condemn them to become your toy forever, hmm?
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: That is one of my rules, certainly. But if they win, they're perfectly free to go.
DOCTOR: And if I refuse?
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Then you lose by default. Is that what you choose?
DOCTOR: No, I do not. I should never have left the TARDIS.
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: You're so insatiably curious. That's why I insured that the scanner would be blank. I knew that would bring you out.
DOCTOR: Another one of your conjuring tricks, hmm? Hmm! Hmm! What game is it you want me to play?
(The CELESTIAL TOYMAKER smiles. He rises up and gestures the DOCTOR toward the table on which stood the trilogic game. He waves his hand and the three piles resolve into one big pyramid. Each segment of the pyramid from top to bottom is numbered.)
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: This!
DOCTOR: The trilogic game?
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: The trilogic game. A game for the mind, Doctor, the developed mind. Difficult for the practiced mind. Dangerous for the mind that has become old, lazy, or weak.
DOCTOR: You infer that my mind is getting weak and old?
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: We shall see. Perhaps it is merely lazy.
DOCTOR: (insulted) How dare you!
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: So you still think that you can pit your mind against mine?
DOCTOR: Of course I can!
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Good. I hope that the time you have spent dabbling in your researches 'round the universe hasn't dulled you. I need you.
DOCTOR: You need me?
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Yes. I'm bored. I love to play games, but there's no one to play against. The beings who call here have no minds and so they become my toys, hmm! But you will become my perpetual opponent. We shall play endless games together - your brain against mine.
DOCTOR: As you said, if I win the game, uh, I can go.
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: So you can, Doctor, so you can. But I think you will lose. Can you remember how to play?
DOCTOR: I am only allowed to move one piece at a time.
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: That is right. And you must rearrange them in the same order that they are now on point C.
DOCTOR: And, uh, I am not permitted to put a larger piece on a small piece?
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: (moving about the room) Correct. And you have 1,023 moves to do it in. That is the exact amount. If you make one mistake, you lose. And to help you count, there!
(The CELESTIAL TOYMAKER crosses back to his desk and pushes a lever on it. At the far side of the table is a tally recorder with two lines of figures.)
When the two rows of numbers match, the game is over.
DOCTOR: (chuckling) Hmm! Hmm! I see. Can I begin?
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Don't be so impatient, Doctor. There!
(The CELESTIAL TOYMAKER touches another button on his desk and waves his hand at a large ornate mirror hanging along with the other objects behind his desk. The mirror turns cloudy and then gradually clears into a picture of STEVEN and DODO with the clowns in the other room.)
We mustn't forget them.
DOCTOR: (worriedly) You are not asking them to play this game?
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Good heavens, no! They are on the competitive quest.
DOCTOR: Competitive? And, eh, who are the others?
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: (pointing to the screen) Two clown friends of mine. They are the home team. They will play against your friends and win the quest.
DOCTOR: Quest? What quest?
(The CELESTIAL TOYMAKER waves his hand at the screen again before answering. Again the picture blurred but quickly cleared to display the TARDIS.)
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: The hunt for the TARDIS! Win the games, and you get it back!
(STEVEN and DODO are with the two clowns preparing to play THE TOYMAKER's first game.)
DODO: (to STEVEN, while both look over the obstacle course in the toy room) It's rather like a Snakes and Ladders set I used to have.
STEVEN: Look's crazy to me!
DODO: Oh, go on, have a go. It looks fun.
(The female clown overhears DODO and STEVEN's conversation and beckons DODO toward a glass booth standing in a corner of the room.)
STEVEN: What? Me on that?? Not on your life!
DODO: But this is the game we have to play, right?
FEMALE CLOWN: (nodding) This is your game.
STEVEN: (indignantly) Right, then you play it.
FEMALE CLOWN: Oh no! You must play it. It's all quite simple. You start there.
(She points toward the starting area.)
STEVEN: (shocked) You must be joking! Kids' game!
DODO: (angrily) Steven!
(to the clown) Go on.
FEMALE CLOWN: You have to cross these obstacles without falling down. And if you get home without falling down, you win the game.
STEVEN: (pointing to the male clown) And what's... oh' What's-His-Name there going to be doing all this time?
FEMALE CLOWN: His name is Joey. I'm Clara. He will play it, too, of course.
STEVEN: And if he loses?
(CLARA does not respond.)
No answer that time. And what happens if we both manage it?
CLARA: Then we play it again. Until someone loses.
STEVEN: (with disgust) Oh it's a great future the Toymaker's got mapped out for us.
(to JOEY) Alright, chum, you want to show me how it's done?
(JOEY nods his head, beeps a little horn carried on his waist, and rings a little bell.)
That means "Yes", I suppose.
(JOEY honks his horn loudly. CLARA ties a blindfold over JOEY's eyes.)
CLARA: (to DODO and STEVEN) You must come with me.
(CLARA takes DODO and STEVEN into the glass booth and shuts the door.)
This is where we control them. One buzz for right turn, two for left, three to stop, four to start.
(CLARA presses the buzzer four times. JOEY begins taking on the obstacle course. He does very well as CLARA sounds the buzzer to guide his every step.)
(The DOCTOR is watching DODO and STEVEN intently on the monitor. He quickly walks over to THE TOYMAKER's desk and presses the inter-comm button. THE TOYMAKER is not in the room.)
DOCTOR: Dodo! Steven! This is the Doctor. The game you're going to play is not so innocent as it looks. Be on your guard!
(The DOCTOR is seen and heard through the robot's monitor.)
If you lose this game, we shall be here forever! So watch out for...
(THE TOYMAKER suddenly materialises by the desk.)
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: That was unwise of you, Doctor.
DOCTOR: I must warn them.
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Attend to your own game.
(to the game pieces in a high-pitched voice) Go from move 152!
(The pieces on the trilogic board move by themselves. The counter number rises from 110 to 152.)
Keep playing, Doctor. And to stop you interfering, I shall have to dematerialize you again.
(He snaps his fingers.)
(The DOCTOR becomes invisible once again.)
DOCTOR: You are overreaching yourself, Toymaker. How can I play this game?
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: (wryly) Let's see. Suppose we leave you one hand.
(THE TOYMAKER makes the DOCTOR's hand with his fancy ring materialise.)
There. I suggest you resume the game.
(The DOCTOR resumes playing the game.)
I thought you'd see it my way, Doctor.
(JOEY reaches the end of the tube, and as he crawls out, he feels the end of the square marked "Home" and stands up. He raises his hand, whips off his blindfold, and clasps his hands in the air in a gesture of victory.)
CLARA: (happily) We won! We won!
STEVEN: Just a minute. I haven't had a go yet.
DODO: But the Doctor warned us...
STEVEN: It's alright, I can manage it.
(carefully looking over the course) Rope, five stones, steps, plank, tube. Now I can do it if you can guide me. After all, he can do it. And you remember the directions?
DODO: Right, one buzz; left, two buzzes; four to start; and three to stop.
(She illustrates her words by giving a demonstration with the buttons as she talks. STEVEN exits the booth and walks out onto the floor. CLARA follows him and ties the blindfold around his eyes.)
CLARA: (to STEVEN) Can you see?
STEVEN: Not a thing.
(STEVEN feels around for the end of the rope and grasps it.)
Right. I'm ready.
(CLARA goes back to the booth and closes the door.)
CLARA: Ready now.
(CLARA turns to DODO who presses the buzzer four times to begin. STEVEN grasps the rope, tests it with both arms, and prepares to swing. DODO, to her horror, observes JOEY pretending to make sure that the first stepping stone was safe. He moves it about one foot to the right.)
DODO: Look what he's doing! Cheat! You cheat! Steven, look out!
CLARA: He can't hear you!
(She starts to laugh. DODO runs to the door of the booth and tries to open it. It won't open.)
CLARA: The door's self-locking!
(DODO looks around desperately and runs back to the control panel where she buzzes three times. Out on the floor, STEVEN, just about to swing across, almost overbalances as he hears the buzzes.)
STEVEN: Dodo, be careful! You nearly made me fall that time.
(STEVEN cannot hear a response from DODO. He grasps the rope again and launches off to swing across the sharp spikes. Lowering his feet on the other side where he expects to find the stone, he finds nothing. He swings back again. He lowers his feet to safety at the starting point and lets out a sigh of frustration.)
(angrily) What have you done now, you clown, you?
(For an answer, JOEY honks. Now DODO buzzes once.)
One right. One right?
(STEVEN grasps the rope, flexes his muscles, pulls himself up, and swings again in a large arc right across the waiting pinnacle of steel below. This time STEVEN swings more to the right. After extending a leg, he finds the edge of the stepping-stone. He lands on it a bit unsteadily.)
Whew!! That was close.
(JOEY honks again.)
Yes, you'll honk when I get this blindfold off. Now I moved another. I moved the first to the right and then to the left.
(STEVEN now stretches his leg out again, feeling for the next stepping-stone. Once again JOEY, nonchalantly, kicks another stepping-stone out of the way. STEVEN thinks the stone is to the left. DODO assists him by sounding the buzzer three times.)
Now what now??
(Now DODO buzzes just once.)
To the right?
(JOEY honks again.)
(STEVEN extends his foot but can't find the stone. He tries again, almost overbalancing himself. DODO sounds the buzzer twice. Finally he finds the step. DODO, once again, sounds the buzzer once. STEVEN repeats a step to the right DODO again sounds the buzzer once. He feels for the steps leading up the plank, finds them, and sits down on the lower step, wiping his brow.)
DODO: (furiously) I don't see how he has a chance of winning if you cheat all the time.
CLARA: (innocently) Cheat? Oh no. It's just a few variations. They make it more fun.
(She laughs. STEVEN reaches the top of the steps, and stretching forth a leg cautiously, feels for the plank. He tests it carefully feeling it give under his weight. Then bringing his other foot up starts to edge along it toward the other end. As he inches forward leaving the safety of the first set of steps, he begins to regain his old confidence. He steps out a bit more vigorously. Then DODO sounds the buzzer once. STEVEN sways to and fro, desperately fighting for his balance. Gradually he rights himself.)
STEVEN: What was that?
(JOEY honks again.)
(angrily) You again! I warn you!
(JOEY honks once more. STEVEN sways again, nearly falling off the plank. He swings his arms to and fro to keep his balance.)
(with frustration) Games with clowns!
(STEVEN reaches the end of the ladder, and DODO, watching through the glass booth, sees JOEY comically mime his anxiety not to get squished in case STEVEN falls off the ladder. STEVEN jumps onto the top step, turns around, and walks quickly down to the bottom. DODO signals to STEVEN sounding the buzzer three times and then twice. STEVEN then makes his way for the tube.)
DODO: (angrily) How is he supposed to squeeze through that tube?
CLARA: Joey did.
DODO: But suppose he gets stuck half way - what then?
(CLARA just laughs. STEVEN tries to get his broad shoulders into the tube. After several attempts he decides to go back though on his back. Then JOEY seizes one end of the tube and drags it around into a large U so that STEVEN comes out at the same place where he began.)
Look what he's done! It's not fair!
(CLARA laughs hysterically. DODO sounds the buzzer three times.)
CLARA: (still laughing) He goes back to the start!
DODO: And you think that's fair??!!
(DODO seizes CLARA by the front of her costume and shakes her. CLARA immediately becomes limp just as a rag doll.)
(furiously) Let me out of here!! OPEN THE DOOR!!!
(CLARA still laughs hysterically.)
CLARA: I can't!
DODO: (with tears in her voice) Oh, you're just like a doll! A rag doll!
(CLARA is beside herself with laughter.)
I don't think this funny at all!
(Meanwhile, STEVEN pulls himself out of the other end of the tube. He straightens up and feels for the home square as he had seen JOEY do. Instead, his hands encounter the step ladder.)
STEVEN: Oh no! Look I warned you!
(STEVEN tears off his blindfold and examines the tube. It has been bent almost entirely back along its length like a horseshoe. STEVEN realizes that he's been wasting his time and effort. He is positively livid. He turns to JOEY, who begins backing away. At the same moment, CLARA bursts from the booth followed by DODO.)
CLARA: (still laughing) We won!
(JOEY begins jumping up and down and making every possible noise with all his bells and horns.)
DODO: Oh Steven! Steven completed the course!
CLARA: We won! We won! Now you'll never find the TARDIS!
STEVEN: (lividly) Well, it's a draw! Now let's do it again - this time with him in the booth!
CLARA: (holding up JOEY's hand) The winnah!
(DODO looks around the room. She sees JOEY's discarded blindfold from the home square and picks it up. It is transparent.)
DODO: Steven, look at this! You can see right through it. It's not a real blindfold at all!
(There is dead silence. The clowns back away, looking crestfallen. STEVEN holds up his blindfold and compares it to JOEY's. He then turns to him.)
STEVEN: No wonder you were able to run 'round the course so easily. And now we'll try it again! Only this time with a real blindfold.
(JOEY backs away, definitely not in a joking mood anymore. The Toy room itself begins to get darker. JOEY turns away.)
Not so fast!
(to DODO) Here - put that on him.
(DODO puts the blindfold on JOEY. CLARA watches silently.)
(to CLARA) You better go in the booth to guide him.
(CLARA goes into the glass booth and shuts the door.)
(with satisfaction) Right! Now we'll play The Toymaker's little game fairly! C'mon Dodo, start him off.
(DODO leads JOEY to the starting point. DODO waves to CLARA in the booth so she sounds the buzzer four times for JOEY to begin.)
DODO: (clutching STEVEN's arm) Steven I'm frightened.
(CLARA sounds the buzzer twice.)
You notice he's not funny anymore.
(JOEY swings across and lands on the first stepping stone. Step-by-step he makes his way across the stones to the foot of the step ladder. CLARA guides JOEY around using the buzzer. She sounds the buzzer once and then again. JOEY climbs to the top of the steps and sets his foot, a bit uncertainly, on the first plank. Now he shuffles like an old man. Suddenly the plank sways violently. JOEY holds up his hands in terror as if he were going to fall.)
(with fear) Steven you better stop him. He'll fall.
STEVEN: We can't stop him. It's him or us.
(yelling to JOEY) Go on! You can't stop now!
(JOEY steadies himself and commences moving across the plank. His steps get slower and slower. Suddenly, JOEY sways on the plank and then crashes to the floor. At the same moment, the buzzer in the booth starts buzzing continuously. STEVEN and DODO look at the booth and see that CLARA has fallen forward, slumped over the control button. Abruptly the lights dim and go out. At the far end of the room, one of the walls lights up and there appears a police box. They move across the room with caution. They examine the it only to discover that it is a fake.)
DODO: (with disbelief) It can't be empty!
STEVEN: (with disgust) It is. <(brief pause)>Look.
(Just the square outline of an empty police telephone box is inside.)
DODO: What's that?
(DODO bends down and picks up a piece of paper from the floor and reads it.)
"Four legs, no feet, of arms no lack, it carries no burden on its back. Six deadly sisters, seven for choice, call the servants without voice." What does it mean?
STEVEN: A riddle. Look, here's a way out.
(The back of the police box swings open.)
DODO: Perhaps this is to tell us where the TARDIS is.
STEVEN: (shrugging) Or perhaps it's just another game. Anyway, we've got to find out.
(STEVEN goes through the opening. DODO remains behind and looks back at the two clowns. All she sees are two small twisted clown figures, now the size of dolls. Shocked, she turns and runs quickly after STEVEN.)
NEXT EPISODE - THE HALL OF DOLLS
Joey the Clown
Clara the Clown
Title Music by
and THE BBC RADIOPHONIC WORKSHOP
SANDRA WILEY (SWiley7376@aol.com)
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