by DOUGLAS ADAMS
would have been broadcast - 26th January 1980
SKAGRA: Tell me of the one called "The Doctor."
(A screen on the wall, a bewildering and very fast showing [according to the video] of the DOCTOR's recent adventures from ANDROIDS OF TARA to CREATURE FROM THE PIT. SKAGRA's blinks very fast and it is clear that he is assimilating the material. The process on the screen stops.)
He has no more power then the others. Only one has the power I seek, and when I have the book that power shall be mine. Get me the carrier ship.
(The screen flickers and resolves into a new image but before it totally resolves we resume on SKAGRA's face.)
All goes well, I shall be with you very soon, and then let the Universe prepare itself for me!
(Finally we look at the screen. On it is the face of the Krarg commander, a face which seems to be composed of lumps of coal with burning eyes [a close-up of the Krarg model from the Museum.])
KRARG COMMANDER: Everything is ready my Lord.
[TOM - Same place]
TOM: In his invisible space-ship. Skagra absorbed massive of information about me and then informed the Commander of the flag ship via the communicator that he would be joining him soon and that the universe should prepare itself. The Commander ashore him that all was ready as his image solidified on the space-ship screen....
(The DOCTOR and ROMANA sit in the middle of the book-littered floor of Chronotis' study. They look at the last few books sadly as they realize the book they're looking for doesn't seem to be among them.)
ROMANA: Roget's Thesaurus.
DOCTOR: British Book of Wild Life, in colour!
ROMANA: Alternative Betelgeuse.
DOCTOR: Time Machine.
ROMANA: Wuthering Heights.
DOCTOR: (staring at the start of his next book.) Tandori Chicken for Starters?
ROMANA: Sweeney Todd
DOCTOR: No sign of the "Worshipful and Ancient Law of Gallifrey."
ROMANA: Do you really think it is important?
DOCTOR: Of course! It's one of the artifacts.
ROMANA: Other than its historial value.
DOCTOR: Each of the artifacts was imbued with stupidmous power. The meanings are lost by now but the power remains. And the rituals.
ROMANA: I just mouthed the words like everyone else.
DOCTOR: What words?
ROMANA: You know, at the Time Academy Induction Ceremony - you know - "I swear to protect..."
TOGETHER: "..the ancient law of Gallifrey with all my might in vain, I will to the end of my days with justice and with honour temper my actions and my thoughts."
DOCTOR: Pompous lot. All words and no actions.
ROMANA: That's not true. What about Salyavin?
DOCTOR: (surprised) Salyavin? Oh yes. He was a boyhood hero of mine.
ROMANA: Really Doctor? A great criminal your hero?
DOCTOR: Criminal, yes, but he had such style, such flair, such......
DOCTOR: Yes. A bit like me in that respect.
ROMANA: Did you ever meet him?
(The DOCTOR is insulted at the suggestion)
DOCTOR: I've certainly have not!
ROMANA: All right.
DOCTOR: He was imprisoned before I was born.
(He stops and looks like he knows the answer but can't kick his mind to focus on the information.)
Do you know, I can't remember. Professor?
PROFESSOR: (oov, from the kitchen.) Yes?
DOCTOR: Salyavin. He was a contemporary of yours wasn't he? Where was he imprisoned?
(The PROFESSOR suddenly runs into the room, looking very worried.)
PROFESSOR: I've just remembered!
DOCTOR: I only just asked you.
DOCTOR: Where Salyavin was imprisoned?
PROFESSOR: Salyavin? I'm not talking about Salyavin. Good riddance to him! We must find the book.
(The DOCTOR shows several books to the PROFESSOR.)
DOCTOR: Professor, what do you think we're doing?
PROFESSOR: I just remembered!
PROFESSOR: There was a young man here earlier. Came to borrow some books. He might have taken them whilst I was out of the room making tea.
DOCTOR: What was his name, Professor, What was his name?
PROFESSOR: Oh, I can't remember. Oh dear, I've got a memory like. . . Oh, what is it I got a memory like? What's that thing you strain rice with?
DOCTOR: What was his name, Professor?
ROMANA: Was he old? Young? Tall? Short?
PROFESSOR: (exclaims) I remember!
DOCTOR: (excitedly) What?
PROFESSOR: A sieve! That's what it is! I've got a memory like a sieve
DOCTOR: (tiredly) What was his name, Professor?
PROFESSOR: Oh, I can't remember that.
ROMANA: (clutching his right arm.) Oh, please try.
PROFESSOR: A.... A... No, it doesn't begin with A...
(He realises it doesn't begin with A, and he moves on to B, with the DOCTOR and ROMANA looking more depressed about this as he rolls on.)
B, B. . . B, B. . .
DOCTOR & ROMANA: C?
(CHRIS' friend CLARE, whom he sometimes calls by her last name, Keightley, has arrived at his lab and is looking over the book for herself. The book's text looks like a mix of a Chinese dialect and a quantum physics assignment sent from Hell.)
CLARE: (feeling the paper in the book.) Feels like paper, smells like paper, doesn't behave like paper. Plastic?
CHRIS: Not a single polymer in sight.
CHRIS: No crystaline structure whatsoever.
CHRIS: If it is, our Mr. Dalton's got a lot of explaining to dor. That's what I mean. Yes, I think it is a crystal, no it can't be a crystal. Half of it's stable all the time, half of it none of the time. It behaves like a super-conductor one minute and blows up my equipment the next.
CLARE: What's it about?
CLARE: The book. What's it about?
CHRIS: Well I don't know, do I? Reads like a cross between Chinese and algebra.
CLARE: Why don't you ask old whatisname?
CHRIS: Well, that's the broom thing to do I suppose.
CLARE: Is that why you haven't done it yet?
(CHRIS grins He gets his coat. CLARE fills the ketle at the sink.)
CHRIS: Make yourself at home.
CLARE: (Cheerfully) Thanks
[TOM, over a picture of CLARE.]
TOM: Chris Parsons told his friend, Claire about the book. Claire decided to wait with the book at the lab while Chris went back to the college to discover more about the extraordinary illegible tone.
(The PROFESSOR continues through the alphabet.)
PROFESSOR: P, Q, R, X, X , Y. . .
PROFESSOR: Yes! Young Parsons!
(This clicks the PROFESSOR's memory to provide CHRIS's whole life.)
Born 1956, graduated 1978, honours degree in chemistry, currently engaged in Sigma particles.
DOCTOR: Where would he be now, Professor?
PROFESSOR: Physics Lab! First left!
(...heads for the kitchen as though to make some more tea.)
DOCTOR: Yes! Yes! Back in two minutes.
(Turns back to ROMANA) If I'm not back in two hours, you and the Professor lock yourselves in the TARDIS, send out an all-frequency alert, and wait. Wait!
(He starts to leave.)
PROFESSOR: (comes back from the kitchen.) More tea, my dear?
ROMANA: Lovely, Two lumps! No sugar!
(SKAGRA enters from a bulkhead door. He is putting the finishing the touches to the clothes that he killed the Man in the car for.)
SKAGRA: My appearance?
SHIP: Perfectly correct in every detail, my lord.
SKAGRA: I am going to retrieve the book. I shall return immediately.
SHIP: Very well, my lord.
SKAGRA: Have you disposed of the carrion?
SHIP: As you directed, my lord.
(SKAGRA takes the carpet bag containing the sphere and leaves.)
(SKAGRA appears in reverse order from his entry into the ship and walks towards "his" car.)
(The DOCTOR has borrowed a bicycle, and he pedals off towards the Physics Lab, nearly causing an accident. CHRIS is pedalling towards the PROFESSOR's rooms. The DOCTOR and CHRIS almost collide with each other, neither knowing the other or the other's purpose.)
(SKAGRA walks through the courtyard and meets WILKIN coming the other way.)
SKAGRA: (politely) Is the Professor alone now?
WILKIN: Oh yes sir. The Doctot left a few minutes ago.
(SKAGRA with a smirk, goes on his way.)
(The PROFESSOR comes out of the kitchen. ROMANA is using a campfire-style cooking prong to warm a biscuit on the heating irons in the wall of the PROFESSOR's Room.)
PROFESSOR: Oh dear.
ROMANA: What's the matter?
PROFESSOR: I've run out of milk.
ROMANA: I think that's the least of our problems.
PROFESSOR: I feel so stupid about losing that book.
ROMANA: Don't worry. We'll find it.
PROFESSOR: I hope so. I do hope so. You're shivering, are you cold?
ROMANA: No. It's just a feeling. Those voices unnerved me.
PROFESSOR: A cup of tea will make you feel better.
(Remember the milk situation.)
Ah - no milk. I'll just pop out and get some.
ROMANA: I don't think that's a very awfully good idea Professor.
PROFESSOR: Why not? It's the only way I know of getting milk. Short of keeping a cow.
ROMANA: We've got plenty.
(Indicates the TARDIS.)
PROFESSOR: Ah, splendid!
(ROMANA opens the TARDIS door.)
Type forty isn't it? First come out when I was a boy. That'll show you how old I am.
ROMANA: I won't be a moment.
PROFESSOR: Oh yes you will. The kitchens are too far from the control chamber.
ROMANA: (smiling at the PROFESSOR.) I've never known the Doctor to use them anyway.
(She disappears into the TARDIS.)
PROFESSOR: (to himself.) Salyavin. Yes. Good riddance to him. Salyavin. Good riddance. Undergraduates.
(This last is in response to the babble of voices which is now audible outside the room. There is a knock.)
(He automatically heads towards the kitchen as usual. As SKAGRA enters carrying his bag...)
Have to be lemon tea I'm afraid. No milk at the moment. Girl's gone to get some.
(SKAGRA unclips the bag and voices get louder.)
How many of there are you for heaven sake? I only got seven cups.
(SKAGRA walks to the centre of the room and the PROFESSOR enters, natually carrying seven cups of tea on a tray.)
SKAGRA: Professor Chronotis.
PROFESSOR: Where are the others?
SKAGRA: Professor Chronotis.
PROFESSOR: Who are you?
SKAGRA: I have come for the book.
PROFESSOR: Book? What book?
SKAGRA: You know what book.
PROFESSOR: I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't got any books.
(He sees this as an out and out lie as the room is filled with books.)
Thats to say, I have lots of books. What book would you like?
SKAGRA: The book you took from the Panopticon Archives.
PROFESSOR: What do you know of the Panopticon?!
SKAGRA: The Book, Professor! You are to give it to me.
PROFESSOR: On whose instructions?
SKAGRA: Mine Professor.
PROFESSOR: Who are you?
SKAGRA: My name does not concern you. Give me the book.
PROFESSOR: I don't know where it is.
SKAGRA: (with an "Oh Well" attitude.) If you will not give me the information voluntarily, I will.... deduct it from you. I am sure there is much else in your mind that will interest me.
(As he says the last sentence, the silver sphere rises from the bag of its own accord and floats towards the PROFESSOR. The PROFESSOR looks at it as though transfixed. The sphere suddenly attaches itself to PROFESSOR's forehead. He crumbles in pain and cries out. )
Do not fight it Professor. Do not fight it. Or you will die.
(The DOCTOR arrives at the physics lab, knocks at the door, and barges right in. CLARE is still cleaning up the mess caused by the tests on the book.)
DOCTOR: Hello. I'm looking for Chris Parsons.
CLARE: You've just missed him I'm afraid.
(The DOCTOR spots the book on the lab table.)
CLARE: Can I give him a message?
DOCTOR: (picking up the book.) This isn't yours.
CLARE: No. it is yours?
DOCTOR: It belongs to some friends of mine.
CLARE: Strange book.
DOCTOR: Strange friends. And careless. Strangely careless. Why did you take it?
CLARE: I didn't
DOCTOR: I know.
CLARE: Look, what is all this about?
DOCTOR: What's what about?
CLARE: This book.
DOCTOR: Have you read it?
CLARE: Hardly. The writing looks more like an explosion in a spaghetti tree.
DOCTOR: (slightly taken aback) Like what?
CLARE: Where does it come from? What's it made of? Why did it make the spectrograph blow up?
DOCTOR: It did that?
(The DOCTOR stares at it. Then back to CLARE.)
DOCTOR: Hello, I'm the Doctor. You're .....?
CLARE: Clare. Clare Keightley.
DOCTOR: Can I have a look at your spectrograph?
[TOM - by the Krarg statue.]
TOM: Then I arrived at the lab and met Clare. I decided to examine the book, very closely.
(ROMANA enters from another chamber, carrrying a bottle of milk. She walks straight to the console and starts to open the doors. Then she changes her mind.)
(K-9 comes into view.)
ROMANA: Do you want to come out and be useful? This doesn't seem to be just a social visit after all.
K-9: Affirmative Mistress. My function is to assist you.
ROMANA: Well you can tell me how old this milk is for a start.
K-9: (sniffing the bottle) It has been in the stasis preserver for only thirty years. It is perfectly fresh.
ROMANA: Good. Come on, I'll introduce you to the Professor.
(SKAGRA has left the Professor's rooms. The PROFESSOR may soon be about to join him, as he is lying near to death on the floor. The room seems messier than it was. The door to the TARDIS opens and ROMANA and K9 make their way out.)
ROMANA: I got the milk. Professor?
K-9: Coming Mistress.
(She sees the PROFESSOR.)
(Rushes across to the PROFESSOR and starts to examine him. There comes a knock at the door.)
Who is it?
CHRIS: It's me, Professor. I just came back to.....
(The scene registers.) What's happened? Is he alright?
ROMANA: I don't know. I think he's dead.
K-9: Negative Mistress. He is alive but he is in a deep coma.
CHIRS: But what's happened to him.
K-9: (bleeps and twirls his antennae ears) Processing data.
ROMANA: (to CHRIS) Do you know him?
CHRIS: Hardly at all. He just lent me a book.
ROMANA: A book! We've been looking for a book! Chris Parsons?
CHRIS: Chris Parsons? Yes..
ROMANA: Have you got it?
CHRIS: No. I left it back at the Lab. You see.....
ROMANA: Isn't the Doctor with you?
CHRIS: How would I know? How would I know that the Professor was ill.
ROMANA: No no no, THE Doctor.
(CHRIS looks puzzled.)
K-9: Mistress. The Professor has been subjected to psycho active extraction.
ROMANA: Will he be alright? K-9: Physical prognosis fair. Psycho prognosis uncertain.
CHRIS: It's a robot?
CHRIS: A robot dog?
(ROMANA gives CHRIS a disapproving look as this wasn't the time to talk about K-9.)
ROMANA: K-9, did you said psyscho active extraction?
K-9: Affirmative Mistress. Someone has stolen part of his mind.
CHRIS: WHAT did your dog say?
K-9: Someone has stolen part of his mind. His attempts to resist have caused severe cerebral trauma. He is weakening fast.
CHRIS: Is this all for real?
ROMANA: Do you want to make yourself useful?
CHRIS: Well, if I can.
ROMANA: Go and get the medical kit from the TARDIS.
CHRIS: The what?
ROMANA: (pointing to the police box.) Over there. First door on the left, down the corridor, second door on the right, down the corridor, third door on the left, down the corridor, fourth door on the right.......
CHRIS: (seeing this coming.) Down the corridor?
ROMANA: White cupboard opposite the door, top shelf.
CHRIS: For a moment, I thought you were pointing at that Police Box.
ROMANA: I was.
CHRIS: But I....
ROMANA: Please get it.
(CHRIS somewhat reluctantly enters the TARDIS, then jumps out with a look as ashen as the PROFESSOR's on his face in complete astonishment with a touch of bewilderment.)
(CHRIS turns and runs inside the TARDIS. ROMANA props up the PROFESSOR's head on three or four books.)
Professor? Can you hear me? Professor?
K-9: Mistress. His mind has gone.
ROMANA: You just said part of it, K-9.
K-9: Affirmative. The part that is left is totally inert.
K-9: No response Mistress.
(CHRIS runs out of the TARDIS carrying the medical kit. ROMANA opens it....)
(She takes out a translucent, technological collar that she then fits around the PROFESSOR's neck. Lights begin to flash within the collar as CHRIS takes off his jacket.)
CHRIS: What are you doing?
ROMANA: He's breathing and his hearts's beating so his autonomic brain is still functioning. This collar can take over those functions and leave his autonomic brain free.
CHRIS: What good'll that do?
ROMANA: He should be able to think with it.
CHRIS: Think with his autonomic brain? The human brain doesn't work like that. The different function are separated by. . .
ROMANA: (in a voice that unconsciously says, "Silly Boy.") The Professor isn't human.
(The DOCTOR is examining the damaged spectrograph. CLARE is hovering round him.)
DOCTOR: The Book must have stored up vast amounts of sub atomic energy and suddenly released them when the machine was activated. Does anything strike you about that?
DOCTOR: It's a very odd way for a book to behave.
(He picks up the book and examines it.)
CLARE: I would have thought that was obvious.
DOCTOR: Never underestimate the obvious.
CLARE: But what does that tell us?
DOCTOR: Nothing. Obviously.
DOCTOR: So obviously it was meant to tell us nothing. Exactly the opposite function of a book. Therefore.......
(SKAGRA in front of the screen. Next to the screen is a small version of the cone from the beginning of Part One. The sphere is sitting on top of it.)
(On the screen we see PROFESSOR's point of view of SKAGRA from their confrontation.)
(The picture distorts and is replaced by a PROFESSOR's point of view of the DOCTOR and ROMANA in his room. The picture is largely clear, but the DOCTOR and ROMANA are heavily blurred and distorted. Their faces are unrecognisable. SKAGRA annoyed by this.)
Trace memories of the Book.
(We see the point at which CHRIS Parsons first came into the room, but the picture of CHRIS is totally obliterated.)
He had great mind control. Find any trace of the book at all!
(The picture begins to break up completely.)
A brave man. The effort will almost certainly prove fatal.
[TOM - by the Krarg]
TOM: And Clare and I discovered that the book was minus Twenty thousand years old and must be returned at once. In the ship, Skagra was able to see in Chronotis's mind and view the Professor's experiences. He see the point in which the student came to borrow the books, but the picture was too distorted to be any use. Skagra was determined to discover any possible trance of the book in Chronotis's mind - despite the consequences.
ROMANA: The collar is functioning. K-9, Is there any trace of conscious thought?
K-9: (bleeps) Processing data, Mistress...... Far too early to tell
ROMANA: What do you mean - Good?!
CHRIS: Well, don't you see? When one works as a scientist, one doesn't always know where one's going, or that there is anywhere for one to go. But there are going to be big doors that stay permanently shut to one.
(K-9's tail droops as though he were bored having heard all this before.)
But I look at this, marvellous? And I know that a lot things that seem impossible are possible, so "good". I take it that you are. . .
CHRIS: No, I mean that you're not from Earth.
K-9: (clearing his throat.) Mistress. The Professor's condition is rapidly deteriorating.
ROMANA: Isn't there anything we can do?
K-9: Negative Mistress, the condition is terminal.
ROMANA: But is he thinking? Can he hear us?
K-9: Minimal cerebral impulses detectable, Mistress
ROMANA: Can he talk?
K-9: Negative. The speech centres of the brain are completely inoperative.
CHRIS: Well your collar was a nice idea but....
ROMANA: Shhh!!! Wait a minute.
(She climbs over K-9, to the dog's other side..)
K-9, can you amplify his heart beat? K-9: Affirmative Mistress.
(K-9 puts his probe on the PROFESSOR's chest. (ROMANA moved because she would have got in the way of the the probe.) We hear his heart beat. It is quite fast and very irregular.)
ROMANA: The Professor is a brave and clever man. Listen.
CHRIS: I don't understand.
ROMANA: He's beating his heart in Gallifreyan morse! Professor, I can hear you ! What do you want to tell us?
(The heart beats puase very briefly, then start again. ROMANA spells it out to herself.)
Beware... the... sphere. Beware.... Skagra. Beware... Shada. The..... secret...... is..... in..... the.....
(The heartbeats decrease suddenly.)
K-9: He is dying Mistress.
K-9: All life function has now ceased, Mistress. The Professor is dead.
(On his borrowed bicycle, the DOCTOR speeds back to the PROFESSOR's rooms. As he comes to the footbridge behind St. Cedd's that crosses the Cam, the way is suddenly blocked by SKAGRA. SKAGRA holds the sphere out in front of him, almost proudly. It emits the strange voices that have been heard before.)
SKAGRA: I am Skagra! I want the book.
DOCTOR: (smiling) Well, I'm the Doctor and you can't have it!
SKAGRA: (a warning note in his voice.) You attempt to hide it from me?
DOCTOR: Yes, it will be taken to a place of safety.
DOCTOR: Oh, a little place I have in mind.
SKAGRA: (with a "This is how things are going to be" tone of voice.) Doctor, you will give to me everything that you have in your mind. Your mind shall be mine.
(The DOCTOR examines SKAGRA's clothes (still dressed in the brown suitish affair.))
DOCTOR: I'm not mad about your tailor.
(To the DOCTOR's surprise SKAGRA releases the sphere, and it floats towards the DOCTOR, taking its own time, however. The DOCTOR ducks it at the last minute and starts pedalling furiously over the bridge, knocking SKAGRA aside. The chase begins. The DOCTOR pedals the slightly worn bicycle for all the speed it's got, and the sphere follows with almost as much speed. The DOCTOR passes a chorus of students outside St. Cedd's singing "Chattanooga Choo Choo" a capella. He rings the bike's bell to punctuate a downbeat. Moments later, the silver sphere flies past in pursuit. The DOCTOR glimpses over his shoulder and is dismayed to see that the grey ball is still after him. He takes a corner too sharply and the book suddenly flies out of the basket in the front without the DOCTOR realising. He bikes on. Behind him, SKAGRA has been following at a distance, and as the sphere continues to pursue the DOCTOR, he bends down to pick up the book. He smiles with his mouth, his eyes, and most of all, with his scars. The DOCTOR decides to abandon the bike and he leans it up against a sign that says "No Cycling." He looks in the empty basket and realises that the book is no longer there. He sees the sign and tells it......)
DOCTOR: I beg your pardon.
(....as he sets off running. He turns down a narrow passageway hoping to lose the sphere around corners. The sphere pursues the DOCTOR down the street. It knocks a passerby over, spilling groceries over the sidewalk. It pauses at when it finds the bicycle, makes beeping sounds to itself, and then heads after the DOCTOR down the passageway. The DOCTOR has depressingly realised that the alley he's taken ends in a wire mesh gate. There are doors to the buildings on either side which he tries to open without success. The sphere passes the end of the alley, turns back, and then heads for the DOCTOR's head. The DOCTOR sees it coming and tries desperately to climb the wire mesh gate, but finds that his boots' tips are too large to fit inside the mesh for footholds. The sphere floats above him and begins to descend towards his forehead.....Frantically, the DOCTOR jumps down off the fence and tries to squeeze under them, but gets stuck halfway through..... the sphere floats closer, and reaches the DOCTOR's head..... The DOCTOR's eyes grow wide in fear.....)
Voice Of Ship
Voice Of Krarg
Voice of K-9
Title Music by
and the BBC RADIOPHONIC WORKSHOP
Production Unit Manager
Assistant Floor Manager
Visusal Effects Designer
Electronic Effects Operator
(c) BBC MCMLXXIX (1979)
(c) BBC Video MCMII (1992)
LEE HORTON (LeeH@tcp.co.uk)
Forward to Part 3.
Back to Shada index.