by GEOFFREY ORME
first broadcast 14th January 1967
(JAMIE looks around him. The central column rises and falls.)
JAMIE: What's this?
DOCTOR: You'll find out.
(The DOCTOR operates the controls.)
JAMIE: Ah, I don't think I want to.
BEN: It's a machine, my old haggis, it's taken you away from Scotland forever.
JAMIE: Where to?
BEN: Ah, well, that as the Doctor would say, that is in the lap of the gods. You never know.
JAMIE: Ah, you'd not be leading me on now, would you? It's a fact, you don't know where we're going?
POLLY: Quite true, and what's more we don't even know what year it will be either.
JAMIE: Och, now, I don't believe it.
DOCTOR: Nae man can tether time nor tide - Robert Burns.
JAMIE: Hey? Who's Robert Burns?
DOCTOR: Oh, I should have remembered.
DOCTOR: Well to Jamie, its 1746. Robert Burns wasn't born until 1759.
BEN: It's all complicated, isn't it?
JAMIE: What's happening now?
DOCTOR: We're just begining to land. Hold tight, everyone.
POLLY: Don't be scared, Jamie, it's alright, really.
BEN: I get a sort of queer feeling. See, we never know what we're going to find, do we?
DOCTOR: Ah that's the fun. Stand by, here we go.
POLLY: Please let it be Chelsea 1966.
BEN: Hope it's the Daleks, I don't think.
DOCTOR: Prehistoric monsters....
JAMIE: What have I come upon?
(The Tardis lands.)
That wasn't too bad. Lets go outside, Doctor.
BEN: Yeah, Come on, Jamie, you and me first. You never know, you know.
BEN: We don't know what could be waiting for us out there, do we? Come on, Doctor, open up.
DOCTOR: Yes, I don't see why not. It looks alright to me.
(The doors open.)
(The others stop in their tracks.)
...For me. Ha ha ha
POLLY: This time I'll guess where we are.
DOCTOR: Alright then, where are we?
BEN: Ah, you said that last time.
POLLY: And I was right.
JAMIE: The Isles, maybe.
BEN: Don't you know?
DOCTOR: Haven't a clue.
Not the isles of Britain, anyway.
POLLY: How can you tell?
DOCTOR: This rock, it's volcanic. Not very old either.
BEN: How old?
DOCTOR: Oooo, Miocene.
BEN & POLLY: What?
DOCTOR: Only about 25 million years old. Look.
(He points to the island's summit.)
BEN: Hey, that's an extinct volcano, isn't it?
DOCTOR: Possibly, possibly.
JAMIE: Not going for a wee look round?
POLLY: Yes, lets. Come on.
Oooo, give us a hand.
(BEN, POLLY and JAMIE begin their ascent.)
(BEN, POLLY and JAMIE climb toward the top of the volcano)
BEN: I don't reckon we're going to see much when we get there.
BEN: What now?
POLLY: I'm beginning to see things.
POLLY: Down there, look. I'm sure I saw something moving.
BEN: Ah, you're round the twist.
POLLY: Ben, there it is again.
BEN: You see anything?
POLLY: Ben, I think we ought to go back.
BEN: No, not me, I'm having a dekko down here.
JAMIE: Yeah, me too.
POLLY: Wait for me!
(They descend into the volcano's crater.)
POLLY: Oh, can't we stop and have a breather?
JAMIE: Ben and I'll go on, you stay here.
POLLY: Oh, No.
BEN: We shan't be long, love, back before you know it.
POLLY: Alright. Whew.
(BEN andJAMIE descend.)
POLLY: (oov) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
BEN: Hey, that's Polly.
(They turn back.)
BEN: Polly? Polly?
JAMIE: She must have gone inside.
BEN: Hang on, I'll get the torch.
(The DOCTOR looks at a shard of pottery.)
DOCTOR: Mediteranean. Ooo, no, tidal sea. Funny, hasn't been fired long.
BEN: Polly? Polly, where are you?
BEN: What's that?
(Suddenly, BEN and JAMIE are caught and shoved into a cage.)
POLLY: Ben, Jamie, is it you?
BEN: Who do you think it is?
JAMIE: Are you alright, Polly?
BEN: When you're finished get us out of this contraption.
POLLY: I can't. They tied me up.
JAMIE: Who are they?
POLLY: I don't know, I didn't see them.
(Unseen hands throw the DOCTOR into the cage also.)
BEN: That's all we needed.
JAMIE: So they caught you too.
(The cage they are in, an elevator, descends. The air whistles past them.)
BEN: That's draughty on me eyes.
JAMIE: Aye, me too.
POLLY: Where are we going?
DOCTOR: That, we shall find out very soon.
POLLY: Wherever it is it's an awful long way down. Ow.
DOCTOR: Yes, we must be below sea level already.
JAMIE: It's difficult to breathe.
BEN: What is it, Doctor?
POLLY: This cage. I don't feel very well.
DOCTOR: Here we are. Yes, well don't be frightened anybody. If we pass out it's compressed nitrogen. It's called caissons disease.
BEN: Polly, try and get us out of here.
POLLY: I'll try.
(She succeeds in untying herself and releasing BEN and JAMIE. The travellers all black out. After a while BEN recovers first. The elevator has come to rest.)
BEN: What's this? Polly? Jamie?
BEN: Come on man, rise and shine.
JAMIE: You disturb the dead.
BEN: Oh you're not dead, you just got a touch of the submariners', that's all.
JAMIE: What are they?
BEN: Take too long to explain now.
(He looks around.)
This must be some sort of compression chamber.
DOCTOR: Ancient tribes from North Africa who lived in caves. Possibly, possibly. Where's my diary?
BEN: Cavemen? Jamie, you better watch it. With that kilt someone might mistake you for a bird.
POLLY: (recovering) Oooh.
DOCTOR: Yes, it's difficult to put a precise date on these people.
POLLY: I don't think so.
DOCTOR: Alright then, when?
POLLY: Oh, I'd say about, um, 1970.
DOCTOR: Can you prove it?
BEN: Yeah, go on, prove it.
JAMIE: How d'you know, Polly?
BEN: Ah, she's been studying her crystal ball.
(She produces a vase.)
DOCTOR: Oh, how interesting, yes. Hmm. It's Aztec, fake of course.
BEN: (reading) Mexico Olympiad.
POLLY: When we first left Earth it hadn't happened yet.
BEN: No, that's right, it wasn't due 'til 1968.
POLLY: Right, so now its any time later than that.
JAMIE: Later? Oh I wish I understood.
(They notice a some men watching them. They are armed. One is obviously the leader.)
BEN: Polly, you speak foreign, go and talk to him, ask him where we are.
POLLY: Parlez-vous francais? Sprechen Sie deutsch? Habla si espanol?
LEADER: Bazumi tampost postu!
JAMIE: Au Gaelic akye?
BEN: What's that?
(The man gestures.)
DOCTOR: Yes well, that means move in any language. I think we better comply. Women and children last. Polly?
(The leader of the guards ushers the DOCTOR and his friends in. Food is laid out on the table. The DOCTOR tucks in.)
DOCTOR: Oh oo. I'm so sorry. Thank you. This is good. This is very good. Mmmm. It's delicious. This is excellent. Sit down, sit down. This is ambrosia.
BEN: What's got into him?
POLLY: I don't know, I've never seen him go for food like this before. It's usually ham.
JAMIE: Better hurry, or he'll scoff the lot.
BEN: What is it?
JAMIE: Plankton? What's that?
DOCTOR: Well it's small plants and animals from the sea.
BEN: Yeah, little spidery ones.
POLLY: Ooo, I don't think I'm very hungry, thank you.
DOCTOR: You better get used to it. I don't expect there's much else to be had around here.
(Some men enter the dining hall. Their leader, a priest is dressed in ceremonial robes.)
Visitors! Good day to you.
LOLEM: We've been expecting you.
POLLY: He speaks English.
BEN: What does he mean, he's been expecting us? We didn't know we were coming ourselves.
LOLEM: The living goddess Amdo sees and hears all.
DOCTOR: And she had a message about us? For you?
LOLEM: Yes. She told us you would fall from the sky, in time for our festival of the vernal equinox.
DOCTOR: And just what part are we to play in this festival of the vernal equinox?
LOLEM: A very important part, I regret to say. Guards.
(The guards grab the DOCTOR and his friends.)
DOCTOR: No wait, I have something important to say.
LOLEM: Be quick and say it, then.
DOCTOR: I won't speak under threats!
LOLEM: You have five minutes in which to make your point. After that you will join your companions, and then we will proceed.
LOLEM: Go, girl.
DOCTOR: What will happen to them?
LOLEM: They will come to no harm.... yet.
DOCTOR: You'll have to go, Polly.
(The guards take POLLY, BEN and JAMIE away.)
LOLEM: Now, stranger, say what you have to, and do not waste time, there is very little of it left for any of you.
DOCTOR: What I have to say concerns a certain Professor Zaroff.
LOLEM: What do you know of Zaroff?
DOCTOR: A great deal. He's here, isn't he?
LOLEM: How did you know?
DOCTOR: The food! It couldn't be anyone else but Zaroff. He led the field in producing cheap food from the sea. His progress is astonishing.
LOLEM: You are a friend of Zaroff's?
(The DOCTOR writes a short note.)
DOCTOR: Just send him this message, and you'll see.
LOLEM: I will take no message to Zaroff.
DOCTOR: You're making a big mistake!
LOLEM: Yes, what is it, Ara?
ARA: I've come to clear the table.
LOLEM: Yes, yes, we've wasted enough time.
DOCTOR: Ara, take this message to Professor Zaroff.
ARA: But I..
(In the centre is a pool where several sharks circle. A chant can be heard, rising in pitch. )
POLLY: I'm scared, what are they going to do to us?
JAMIE: I don't see the Doctor here, he's escaped, mebee.
BEN: Ah, some chance of that.
JAMIE: Oh, he's a canny one, yon Doctor. Dinna fuss yourself, Polly.
LOLEM: Quiet! You profane the sacred temple with your idle chatter.
ARA: I must speak with Professor Zaroff.
(The guard shakes his head.)
Well, Damon then.
JAMIE: Ben, should we run for it?
BEN: No, wait 'til we hear from the Doctor.
(They are tied and moved toward the pool.)
JAMIE: Put me down.
POLLY: Ben? The Doctor isn't coming.
(The DOCTOR arrives...)
BEN: Don't worry, Pol, just got here, there's still some hope.
(...but he too is a prisoner.)
BEN: Oh no.
DAMON: Well, girl, what do you want? Why are you not at your work?
ARA: I have a note for Professor Zaroff. It's very important.
DAMON: Professor Zaroff? Let me see. Oh, come, girl.
LOLEM: Life is a stream of water that drains away even as time does, and cannot be reclaimed. Accept, oh mighty and powerful Amdo, these, your sacrifices.
POLLY: No! Doctor!
(The four are lifted by ropes and swung out above the shark pool.)
DOCTOR: Hold on! Hold on for your lives.
(DAMON gives the DOCTOR'S note to PROFESSOR ZAROFF)
DAMON: Here is the note.
DOCTOR: Don't move, don't even breathe.
(PROFESSOR ZAROFF enters. He has some of his own guards with him.)
ZAROFF: Stop the ceremony!
LOLEM: You dare to interfere with the hour of sacrifice?
ZAROFF: I will not interfere with your sacrifices. But I must first speak with that man. Release him!
(The guards comply and the DOCTOR is released.)
Now, zis information you haff, what is it?
DOCTOR: First, release my friends.
ZAROFF: I do not care about your friends. Your information, quick!
DOCTOR: But I do. Professor Zaroff, if anything happens to them, you'll never know the secret I was going to tell you.
ZAROFF: (to guard) You! Alright, release them. Take them to the labour controller. He will know what to do with them. Well, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Uh, let me say how glad I am to see that the reports of your death twenty years previously are a little premature.
ZAROFF: Hahahaha. The whole world believed I had been kidnapped.
DOCTOR: The East blamed the West, the West; the East.
ZAROFF: Oh I wish I could haff been there.
DOCTOR: Now, here you are, the greatest scientific genius since Leonardo, under the sea! You must have a fantastic story to tell?
ZAROFF: Perhaps I tell you someday, if you will live long enough to hear. Now this vital secret, what is it? I must know.
DOCTOR: (pauses) I haven't got one.
ZAROFF: How dare you!
DOCTOR: But I'm sure a great man like you wouldn't want a modern scientific brain like mine to be sacrificed to a heathen idol?
ZAROFF: You know I could have you torn to bits by my guards, yes?
ZAROFF: I could feed you to my pet octopus, yes?
ZAROFF: Well you haff sense of humour. I too, haff sense of humour. I need men like you. Hahahahahaha. You come with me, yes? Hahahahaha.
DOCTOR: I come with you.
(The DOCTOR laughs too.)
(BEN, JAMIE and POLLY are brought before the OVERSEER.)
OVERSEER: Your lives have been spared. See that they contribute useful service to the community.
BEN: Whatever you say, mate.
OVERSEER: What did you say?
BEN: Oh nothing, nothing.
OVERSEER: You men look strong. You'll be sent to the mines. Take them away.
JAMIE: What does he mean, mines?
BEN: Now wait a minute. Now what are you going to do with her?
POLLY: Yes, what?
OVERSEER: I shall decide that later.
(BEN and JAMIE are taken away.)
JAMIE: Don't lose heart, Polly.
OVERSEER: Don't be afraid, girl. Life is very beautiful under the sea. Come on.
OVERSEER: Seventy percent of the world's surface is under the oceans. You are looking at our food producing areas. Without it, we couldn't survive.
POLLY: (impressed) Fantastic. What are those?
OVERSEER: Those are our farmers.
POLLY: I think it's splendid. All those people working under the sea to feed the others. But listen, how do they breathe?
OVERSEER: We give them plastic gills. Look.
(He shows POLLY a set.)
That surprises you, doesn't it?
POLLY: Breathtaking. Sorry that wasn't meant to be a pun.
OVERSEER: No not at all. No, I'm glad you're taking it like this. Some people get most upset when they find they are to have the operation.
OVERSEER: Well, of course. We couldn't send you out there without it. You'd drown.
POLLY: You're not turning me into a fish!
(Ancient ruins are seen through the viewing window.)
DOCTOR: Just give me a clue, Professor.
ZAROFF: West of Gibraltar, south of the Azores. The Atlantic ridge, what does that suggest to you?
DOCTOR: Ancient temples under the sea. But that's not possible! That's only a legend.
ZAROFF: Go on, go on, Doctor.
DOCTOR: We're in the ancient kingdom of Atlantis!
ZAROFF: Yes, yes, and this is not the perfect place to complete my work?
DOCTOR: But how did you get them to accept you? Surely science is in opposition to ancient temple ritual and idol worship?
ZAROFF: I gave them a sugar-coated pill. I haff promised to lift Atlantis out of the sea.
Yes, what is it? Pardon me, Doctor.
DOCTOR: What is it?
ARA: It's the girl. They're going to carry out the fish operation on her.
DOCTOR: Fish operation? Well well. Ara, do you know where the main fuses are?
DOCTOR: Oh never mind. Go back to Polly, and if the chance comes, get her away from there! Will you do that for me?
ZAROFF: (oov) Doctor!
POLLY: Keep away!
DAMON: Bring her here. Don't be difficult, girl, it's quite painless.
(to assistant) Light.
POLLY: No! no!
DAMON: We're ready now.
POLLY: No no no no no no!
DAMON: One tiny jab, and you'll know no more about it until it's all over.
GARY ZIMMER (firstname.lastname@example.org)
and THE DANGER GANG
Thanks to Andrew Deans for his book.
Thanks to Lee Horton for the Haggis.
Forward to Episode 2.
Back to The Underwater Menace index.